It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
