you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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