I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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