the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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