Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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