Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize