you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
