The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Yo dont text me then not text me
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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