I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
