So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
there is glitter all over my balls
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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