I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
