1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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