I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
the liver wants what the liver wants
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
