I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
