I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
