remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize