I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
