So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
