Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
