I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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