i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she peed on how many people?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
