so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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