so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize