Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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