you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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