dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
