sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
