So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Bring me that man meat
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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