my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize