Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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