It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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