i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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