Umm I'm too high to move.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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