I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
