I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
