fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
nutella sex= disaster
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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