I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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