it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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