Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
