Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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