I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
