She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize