billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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