how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
