What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
