Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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