Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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