she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
