what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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