how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
third nipple confirmed
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
