"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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