mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
