Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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