Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
