well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
