I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
