if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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