he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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