I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
