Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
