Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
