So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize