I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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