O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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