So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
