that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There r osticjed everywhere
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
