This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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