he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think I just shit out all my problems.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
