So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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