You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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